To anyone, to you, but mostly, to me.
I’m having a hard day, a hard week, a hard measure of time. There, I’ve said it. Everything’s okay on the outside, but the inside of my brain is not figuring out how to be who it was destined to be. Every time I read something saying to just be who you are I wince. Who am I? What am I? Where am I? What is the life I want for myself? What am I doing?
I want so bad to be something, I want to be one person, but I don’t know what kind of person I want to be. My friends are from all these different places, not only physically, but- people-y. I can’t give up on the ones that smoke and drink and party because I love them, obviously, but sometimes, also I think: What if I did it too? What if I just went with and partied, loosened up, let go of all the anxiety. Get drink, forget. What would happen? Who would care? And then, I tell myself, you are not that kind of person.
But what kind of person am I? How do I figure this all out? Is there a manual?
Because I am not getting it.
Probably, you are getting annoyed at my whinery, and even more probably this is too personal to put on the internet. But this, this is a blog about life and life has struggles.
Love Always.
